I have gone along with the “status quo” of draconian conditions in the Church of Scientology for years hoping that I could make a difference, or that things would somehow magically change. I have for the most part kept my mouth shut (so as not to be accused of “rumor mongering”) and attempted to use the proper channels to affect change. But it became more and more obvious that the problem was systemic. And the solution was completely out of my hands as long as I remained a part of the group. Because, no matter how good my intentions, as long as I was “in”, I would be subject to the group agreements.
The final straw for me however occurred when I asked to leave staff. I wanted to quietly slip away without causing too much trouble, and hopefully rebuild my life while remaining in good standing with the Church. However, as many have experienced, that is not possible with the current establishment. I was subjected to endless Sec Checking in order to “handle” me to stay. I was threatened with an exorbitant “freeloader” debt without consideration for my contribution. And then my fiancé (who is also on staff, and training at Flag) was forced to disconnect from me until I got “back in good standing with the Church.”
It was at that point that I realized that I could no longer be a part of such a group. I could no longer fight for a group that stood for such slavery. For, “freedom” is the one thing that I believe true Scientology is based on, and if you take that away it is worthless.
It was with a heavy heart that I came to this conclusion. Some may say that I gave up. However, it is actually the exact opposite. I am simply tired of sitting back and doing nothing. In actuality what has occurred as a result doing a Doubt Formula is that I have re-dedicated myself to LRH, and to the group of true Scientologists who understand what Standard Tech really is, and who truly apply KSW #1, and are unwilling to allow ANYONE to degrade it any further.
Maybe, what I have chosen to do is the wrong solution. However, at least I am attempting to do SOMETHING. I simply cannot continue to support the Church as it currently is. There are so many things that I feel could be changed. And there is so little that I feel I can do about it while still subject to all the vagaries that I am forced to agree to as a member of the Church.
Paramount to me is the blatant Out-Tech. There are other out-points that I discuss in My Eval; however, without Standard Tech, there really is no point as far as I’m concerned. If these things were changed, I would definitely consider rejoining or staying in the Church. I have experienced for myself, as both a preclear and as an Auditor, the truth of LRH tech. There is no doubt in my mind as to the miracles that Scientology can achieve when applied Standardly.
It saddens me that those who were responsible for maintaining The Bridge have allowed it to deteriorate to such a degree. However, I am still dedicated to keeping the dream alive. It is ultimately because of this that I defy. I still hold hope that, although I feel I can no longer affect change as a member of the Church, maybe by withdrawing my support I can at least make some small difference in that direction.