I have previously worked out my Doubt Formula in greater detail on the page entitled “My Reason Why”.However, I will do my best here to briefly explain the reasoning behind my decision to leave the Church of Scientology.
Basically, I believe that the current Church is a suppressive group, and I do not think that it is pro-survival for me to continue to contribute to it and participate in it any longer. I hate that this is what it has come to. And I know that there will be many of those who currently call themselves my “friends” who will disagree with me, and probably stop talking to me as a result of my decision. I respect that. However, the truth is what is as I see it, and this is how I see it.
Probably the biggest disagreement with me leaving is the consideration that it wouldn’t be the “greatest good.” As I have often heard it put, “I would be cut off from the Bridge.” I’m assuming that what is being referred to here is either the “freeloader” assignment that I would be given as an ex-staff member, or the fact that I will most likely be declared a “suppressive person” for leaving the Church.
The trouble that I have with this is that it isn’t in accord with reason for me. The “freeloader” policy was written purely as a way to make sure that people do not take advantage of free services without fair exchange taking place. The term “freeloader” implies that someone is trying to get something for nothing. However, that is not the case for me. I am more than willing to be in exchange for the training I received as a staff member. In actuality, it is the Church that is not willing to be in exchange with me. Otherwise, instead of making me pay for the entire sum, there would be some sort of pro-rate or consideration given to the amount of time that I have already contributed towards my staff covenant.
As for leaving, that isn’t against any Church policy, including HCO PL “Leaving and Leaves”. Indeed, this policy was written to ensure that those who want leave do so with clean hands. It was not intended to be a way to force people into indentured servitude. It was never the intention of LRH (nor should it be the intention of the Church) to bar someone from the Bridge just because they want to leave. In other words, the threat of excommunication should not be used to force someone to remain when they no longer want to. However, we all know that this is actually the real reason that this policy is enforced in the way that it is.
This is off policy because it is destructive or non-survival for all parties involved. However, there seems to be nothing I can do about it since the majority of the people involved in the Church appear to agree that this practice is okay. Therefore, I am given no choice but to “blow off” because I am completely unwilling to make my decisions simply in order to avoid unjust punishment. I would rather just take it and get on with my life.
However, for me, the threat of punishment is irrelevant. I would never trade any amount of my life simply to avoid being punished. That is not, nor should it have any reason to do with why I am a Scientologist. Because, I DID NOT BECOME A SCIENTOLOGIST TO BE A GOOD LITTLE BOY. I became a Scientologist to help others by applying Scientology! That is the only reason. And the only reason that I no longer want to be a member of this Church is because I consider that it is not possible to do that anymore. It is as simple as that.
Now, I can understand that this may be where I lose most Scientologists. Most have no reality why I don’t think it’s possible to apply Scientology in the Church any more. However, I know that many must have at least some inkling from their own experiences what I am talking about – just how difficult it is to actually apply KSW #1 in the current Church. How you seem to always end up fighting your so-called team members in order to do so. And how no one seems to care that all you are trying to do is what Ron says.
Like many before me, I have thought that it was just me. I thought maybe it’s just a matter of getting more trained and “holding the line” as it were. Maybe, I should just keep my mouth shut and do what I can to make a difference. Maybe I should stop “rocking the boat.” However, that is not my way! I cannot just sit idly by while I see such an abundance of out-ethics and out-Tech. To do so would be an overt in itself.
So, why don’t I do something about it through the proper channels some might ask. Well, the answer to that is that I have tried. I have written numerous reports all the way up to RTC and to the Snr C/S Int. I have been doing this for the last 20 years! And in doing so I have found out that the Out-Tech is actually being forwarded from the top of the org board. I do not know why that is exactly, but what I do know is that as long as that is the case, there is no possibility for me to do anything about it while I am still the effect of it.
In actuality, all that I am doing is not complying with what I consider to be destructive orders. That is the only thing that I see is left to me to keep my integrity and to actually forward Scientology. Maybe by my defiance I can at least make a statement that will have some affect – even if it is only on those who read this. I believe that that is what Ron would want me to do.
I am still championing Standard Tech. The problem is that I no longer believe that it is possible in the Church to get one-for-one results with the way that the Tech is being applied. And there is no way for me to do anything about it when I am being ordered to comply with the out-Tech from the top of the org board. I have been left with no choice but to leave this group. However, I am not leaving Scientology. I am not leaving the group of people who know that Standard Tech is the only tech that works. I am merely switching sides to what I believe is the more pro-survival.
Maybe this is a betrayal. Maybe this is breaking a promise. However, I’m sorry, but I do not see that it is out-ethics to break a promise to a group that is forwarding out-Tech. It is no different to me than breaking a promise to the Devil.
Now, I can understand why a current member of the Church might consider this to be “entheta.” They are entitled to make up their own minds, and come to a different conclusion than me. All I ask is that someone LOOKS. I am not attempting to convince anyone that I am right. I am only presenting an explanation of my own reasoning. It is up to everyone to look for themselves, and make their own decisions.
“Organizations do not bleed, they do not breathe; they do behave oddly enough like a single organism… But when the individuals in it cease to behave as individuals, cease to have their own thoughts, cease to be capable of their own initiative, cease to be able to take their own action, then the whole organization boils down to just one man, and he’s the only one who could make a decision … the only one who could act. … [but an organization] is composed of individuals who observe and who look … The only thing I am trying to teach you is to look.”
-LRH [Lecture 15 July 1957, Scientology and Effective Knowledge]